Missing Military

You know, quite honestly, I feel jypped (or however the hell you spell that). I guess I assumed we'd always have the life we had. I just thought that nothing could happen to take that away from us. Who am I kidding? At this particular moment, I'm feeling very selfish. I don't want to be a civilian wife. I got so used to the comforts and security of military and I really hate that I had to give that up. I know that civilian life is meant to be hard. I understand that. And I don't mind working for it.. but I feel out of place. I'm not meant to be here. I'm not meant to be stuck in this situation. A 29 year old woman (well, next Saturday anyway), married with three animals and living with my father! I know there's no way we'll ever be able to survive on our own in this city and yet we can't afford to leave, apparently, because of the bills that keep popping up out of nowhere that make it so we can't seem to save even five dollars a payday. And, yes, sometimes it seems to me like my husband is perfectly content in the current situation. Sure, he may not like working nights, but we live rent free with my dad and he can whine to his family whenever he wants something because they're right here, maybe a ten minute drive away. I hate this city, honestly. I want out. And I'm terrified that there will really be no way out and that we will never be able to have a home of our own (not just a rented apartment or even a rented house, but our own home that we OWN) or be able to do anything but both work full time and sleep leaving no room for a real life! I know I'm being incredibly selfish right now. I know that I should just suck it up and understand, but I just feel like I have sacrificed enough already. And, in civilian life in particular, I know for a fact that there is no way we will ever be able to afford the fertility treatments I will need to conceive. I know that even if we do get out of this city, we will never be able to be secure wherever we go. Sometimes I just want to scream and say, "What the hell is so wrong with the thought of being military again?!" I just feel like we're utterly stuck and will remain that way for a very long time. I can't help but feel like this pathetic existence we're living right now is going to be something I will be fighting FAR too long to get out of. I just feel like I've given up the last 6 months of my life just because I chose to follow without arguing and it's not over yet. Maybe I sound hopeless or depressing, but I'm sick of it. Honestly sick and tired of it.